When I started learning game I was convinced that in order to do my first approach that I needed to know every aspect of the interaction, down to the girls hand movements, before I could succeed. After reading book upon book, I finally did my first approach… It sucked and I even I told myself, “but you know every aspect of game, what women want, why did this go so bad?” It later realized that it was because I tried to stuff every single element of game into one interaction without actually having practiced any one of those elements individually.
This is when I started to learn game naturally. I would approach women, almost ignoring my pick up teachings, and hope for the best. Then, if something did not work, I would look to pick up books to help me iron those issues out and would slowly add that element to my arsenal if I felt it worked. I no longer treated pick up books as bibles, but more like shared experiences that other gentlemen have had, and if I felt that an element (opener or behavior) I learned from the book fit my personality, then I would use it.
New gentleman to game often times glorify one pick up artists and feel as if they owe their livelihood to that method of game. There is some merit to this as some gentlemen do experience success, but that very success is hollow. The system is only a system, and they simply become a cog in making it work. They do not find fulfillment in the end because their true nature, whether that be a nerd who loves programming or a gentleman who obsesses over chess, is hidden behind a mask. They are only projecting a show for women, and not projecting the core of themselves.
True confidence will derive from you learning things on your own, taking risks on your own and ultimately not being afraid of who you are as a person. Some gentlemen will rag on you, some women will laugh at you, but the only thing that matters here is how you handle it. Do not hide your interests because a woman thinks that is lame, or because your man friend tells you it is not attractive, but embrace it and embrace it whole-heartedly and people will respect you for it. Now, the irony here is that you will gain some confidence from the new found knowledge you have gained in reading pick up articles/books, and I myself preach certain elements, but you should only take these elements if they fit the core of who you are as a person.
When I meet a girl I do not focus on displaying higher value, I do not focus on if she is sending me indicators of interest, but I focus on stimulating conversation and reflect on how I would have displayed higher value or gotten her to be more interested later. If you saw my game in action you would think it is pretty straight forward, and I have been accused of only getting successes with women because of my looks. That is far from the truth. All I do is project myself in a confident manner, and women like that. When you do not adhere to a script, you learn game organically and naturally, and to some degree you are forced to put your personality into it, because your personality is all you have to fall back on; not canned scripts. That honesty helps you build not only confidence, but game.
This is not a write-up to take away from great gentlemen of game, because there are certainly excellent methods out there to getting successes with women, but when you turn those pick up teachings into an all-you-have ideology, then you are losing sight of yourself and your game will only fulfill a script, and not who you are as a person.
Try this, approach without a goal in mind, just try approaching without using canned materials or systems you have seen on YouTube, and say whatever comes to mind. What’s up is even a suitable opener in this case. You will be on your own for this approach, and you might say things you are not used to, but here you will find honesty and through honesty you will feel a sense of fulfillment that is beyond the core of masking your true self.
There are two people both enrolled in a psychology program. Both end up with degrees in said psychology program, but only the second person pursues a job in the field. Both have similar academic achievement, and both retained a vast knowledge of the program’s teachings. Equally speaking they are both very close in their knowledge and academics, but again, only one person pursued a job in the field. In post secondary education, and self learning in general, I see it all the time… people who are book smart but do not apply what they learn to their lives, and that disconnect leaves little in the way of passion.
Those who teach are usually the ones who are passionate to some level about what they have learned prior to educating you. That concept is not limited to schools either, but it spans to places such as construction sites to social interactions amongst friends. Learning is a beautiful way to build yourself as a man, but that learning means nothing if you do not apply that learning to yourself in some way. Whether that means forming your own opinion, reinforcing an old opinion or completely demolishing a current one. When we learn only to build grades we do not form an opinion based off of the knowledge and we become placeholders for that knowledge, and ultimately we do not become the builders of civilization and culture that the men before us had become.
When a child sings a radio song it is not because they have interpreted the words of the song and understand them, but because they are mimicking what they hear to gain social favor from other adults and children. Those children are placeholders of that knowledge. Similarly there was a brief documentary looking at the autistic gentleman the the film Rain Man was based on. The autistic gentleman could recite, in detail, even the smallest of details regarding human history, and it was all accurate. If the autistic gentleman would be tested on human history, he would have incredible scores, ones that would imply he is a genius in that field. However, after your initial shock of a man having such incredible memory, you realize that he is only reflecting what he has read, and not interpreting it an any meaningful way. He is no different than the child singing a popular radio song with no knowledge of the lyrics.
Learning, no matter what you are doing it for, should be approached critically and interpretively. Otherwise you are simply becoming a reflection of what you are learning and ignore why the knowledge was being taught in the first place. I write this blog because I am passionate about what I have learned on my own and am currently learning. To some degree it becomes an element of teaching and educating others on my own experiences and hopefully they can apply it to their own lives.
I meet a lot of gentlemen who learn game and do not actually understand why the theorization works, but only regurgitate what they have read and spout the same openers over and over again. The field of pick up feels more like a social-psychological experiment and advancement in human interactions than it does a juvenile attempt at getting “laid.” With that being said, the people who turned the field into more of a social-psychological experiment, were also the ones who were passionate about the relations between humans. Those gentlemen who regurgitate game concepts only because they know that having that knowledge has lead some men to getting laid, usually end up unfulfilled and with poorer results than the gentleman like myself who write and joyfully encourage other men into wanting to learn and educate themselves on the sexes.
The point I am trying to get across is not simply about how learning game will benefit you only if you take game teachings in interpretively, but how your lifestyle and learning will flourish if you can apply what you learn, no matter what it is, to yourself and become passionate about it.
The reason the second person pursued a career in that field is not because they are better than person one, but because they are passionate about that field and applied the knowledge they learned to themselves in a personal way that becomes meaningful enough for them to want to become apart of something.